As the domestic drama unfolds, Jetsam threw Flotsam out of the log residence they formally shared in perfect harmony this afternoon. Witnesses have reported that after a row over a supposed affair with at least one unidentified member of the Gold family, Flotsam has been in no uncertain terms, been told to vacate the premises. He has taken up housekeeping at Mayan Manor down the road, but a close friend has stated that he hopes to be home by the weekend. While the more reserved Jetsam has not given official comment on the matter, sources state that he’s not ready to forgive and forget so soon. Flotsam doesn’t appear to be making matters much better for himself either. Since his rapid departure he has been spotted by the paparazzi on multiple occasions partying all over town. At least two members of the Gold family have also been frequent visitors to his new abode. Were they just innocent house calls? Or is our wayward catfish becoming more of a tomcat?

Yes, yes, this is what I think about during my days at work. And yes, I obsessively follow the social lives of my fish. It’s not that weird, I swear.